I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who died my cat blue again?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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