I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
