He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
