I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
