I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
