every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
