My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
