Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
