just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
