I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
