youre lurking in front of me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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