you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
