I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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