We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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