i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
