I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
