I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
