after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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