I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
