also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
