If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
