so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm way too hungover for life right now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
