I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
