Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
