i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is Oprah even human
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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