p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
