I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
