I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
