The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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