I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
