I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
