I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
