Sponge bath it is.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
