WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
