it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
