my soul wont recognize me after tonight
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
