If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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