I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drake has all the answers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
