i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
