He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
