I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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