Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
