Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
