did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
