I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
