Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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