Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
