I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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