Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
