Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
