ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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