Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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