Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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