So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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