Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
