no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
