I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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