im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
