I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
