I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
