i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
