I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
