the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
