My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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