I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm both gender and math confused
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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