We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
