My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
