how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
