let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
