her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
